Country Rant

I gotta talk about North Korea. I gotta talk about that Kim Jong Un. You know that short shit. Why you causing trouble you son of a bitch? Are you going nuclear? Your fucking haircut it looks like someone put a goddamn bowl on your head and ran a razor around the motherfucker. Let me tell you something gook. Don't fuck with America. We should of nuke your fucking arse years ago. Trump was right your a fucking rocket man and I dare you to ride a nuclear missile to nuke Pyongyang. I bet this clip won't even be seen by most North Koreans as North Korea's laws are goddamn dumb you communist prick. I want to talk about Russia. Russia you sorry son of a bitch you think you are going to win against Ukraine. You are going to lose like a egg frying in an pan. Vladimir Putin believes that he is going to reunite the Soviet Union. Ain't going to fucking happen. What are you going to do if Ukraine comes to smash down the gates of Moscow? Like I said before, that communist was shit back when the Soviet Union started. It was shit when the Soviet Union fell and it's still shit today. I know that Russia is a tough bastard due to their winters. Just ask Adolf or Napoleon. I hope that Ukraine will kick Russia's arse to hell. Russia is one of the most evil retarded countries out there. Ever since Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine on February 24, 2022, he has failed like a flaming bag of shit. Putin has been an imbecile president for the last 20 years, my ass. Why the fuck is he going to extend his presidency to 2036? Haven't you learned from being a KGB agent that invading Ukraine is dumb? That's right. Ukraine was a part of the Soviet Union when he was in it. Why is Russia still fighting after two years and hasn't won yet? That's because Ukraine has help from NATO members aiding military units. Russian tanks are damn shit as most of them are from the Cold War era. What the fuck are egg cartons used for armor for? They can't survive a tank shell and an egging. I can literally destroy a Russian tank with just eggs. I was thinking of visiting Russia and going to different tank bases to egg their tanks. While I'm at it, I'll toss flaming bags of shit at them too. Fuck Russia, fuck Putin and fuck the Russian military in a flaming bag of shit. My god, Brazil is a dumb country as almost the whole country is cover by forest. I don't want to walk around in a big ass forest. Brazil has some buggered up wildlife as they want to bite you, kick you, sting you, scratch you and straight up kill you. Even plants are looking to fuck up your life too, as I have heard horror stories of people eating harmless looking plants, but hours later they drop dead. I don't want to be a flaming bag of shit if I eat those plants or go face to face with the wildlife. Besides the forests and wildlife, I think women are hot, but I don't want to have some sexy time in the bedroom if they ask me. I don't want to get caught in the middle of a turf war against drug cartels if I ever visit Brazil. I really don't feel like becoming a flaming bag of shit if I get killed. Why does Rio de Janeiro have a big ass statue of Jesus Christ? I don't give a flying turd about it, as I hate Christ. I hate goddamn freaking Germany because it always smells like piss and beer. I had been to Berlin once and the smell was gagging. I was really thinking of tossing a flaming bag of shit at the Brandenburg Gate because the smell was so bad. What the fuck is Oktoberfest? I don't want to be around millions of drunk Germans in Munich. I'm already a violent drunk after drinking too many beers. I also strip my clothes if I become too drunk. The police need to catch me running down the autobahn nude while a Porsche speeds past me at 200 miles per hour. On the other hand, Porsche was founded by Ferdinand Porsche, a member of the Nazi Party. I'll boycott Porsche. I'll also boycott Volkswagen too, because they were founded by the German Labour Front. I'm so goddamn glad that Adolf Hitler is dead. I'm going to feed my face as he feeds the fish. Every time I think of him shooting himself, something warm runs down my goddamn leg. I don't like eating pretzels and sausages as it reminds me of Germany. I have been to where they made sausages while I was in Germany, and I puked on the sausages because it was nasty. I really hate German food as much as I hate Vegemite from Australia, and they need to burn in a flaming bag of shit. I think Italy just needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit, fascist pricks. I'm glad that Benito Mussolini is rotting in hell with Adolf Hitler. Mussolini is just a sissy who kiss ass to Hitler when his army are getting their candy asses kicked on the field. Italian music is goddamn freaking crappy as a mother chicken. For Christ's sake, I heard a chicken sing better than most of those crap load Italian singers. I can't goddamn stand going to a pizzeria with the song Funiculi Funicula playing. I played the Spider-Man 2 video game in 2004, and that song was in it. I smashed my PlayStation 2 when I heard that song. Yes, I was a hot head back in 2004. Good lord above, pizza and pasta are damn turds. Spaghetti looks like somebody shot someone's brains out. I want to toss a bowl of pasta into the Italian parliament building and yell "I hope you like pasta." My god, France is very dumb and stupid. They are a bunch of surrendering chicken shits who run under their beds and eat cheese. They would even run away if I came up and offer them a baguette with a flaming bag of shit on it. They are no smarter than a French fry. I went to France once, and it was the most boring trip ever. I didn't understand the people so much that I want to yell and swear at them. Can anyone please tell me how to say "go fuck yourself" in French? I would even go to the French Parliament and cause mayhem with flaming bags of baguettes. Oh, my fucking god, India has got one of the highest populations in the world, my ass. What are they doing over there to have 1.4 billion people, making love with many wives? I think of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon from The Simpsons when I think of Indian people having many kids. Goddamn 8 kids, Apu, are you pulling an Elon Musk, buddy? Indian cuisine is crappy as they chop up monkeys to cook them on the grill, and add a ton of spices to it. I don't want to eat no goddamn monkeys as I prefer eating a flaming bag of shit instead. I want to toss a flaming bowl of curry at the Taj Mahal and watch it burn baby burn. I want to let out a big juicy fart to help fan the fire. After that, I'll go to India's presidential house at Rashtrapati Bhavan and take a crap on the lawn. Oh, I work at the Kwik-E-Mart, I work at the Kwik-E-Mart. Indians need to listen to this because I want them to sell slurpees. China is just one dumb country as they need to bugger themselves in the ass with goddamn communism, as I think that communism is as shitty as a flaming bag of shit. Was it the Communist Party of China's idea to adopt the one-child policy? I think that is a bunch of turds to curb the rapid population as they got a billion people in 1979. When that policy ended in 2015, they had 1.3 billion people. What the hell are the Chinese doing in 36 years to get 300 million people? Did they have many kids behind the government's back? I mean I know a few Chinese people who had at least 5 kids in China during that time. On the other hand, Chinese landmarks like the Great Wall are dumb. I want to toss a flaming dumpling at it and watch it burn along its length. The Great Wall has stopped many attacks over thousands of years, but my attack with flaming dumplings would test the wall to its breaking point. Chinese food is nasty as baby crap. I don't want a goddamn cat on my freaking dumplings. I didn't hear anything about them chopping up monkeys. Does anyone know how to say "piss off annoying twat" in Chinese? Or maybe tell me how to say "go fuck yourself." Screw Canada, that goddamn crappy country with free healthcare. No wonder the emergency rooms are duds and medical staff are quitting like a flaming bag of shit. Their singers are a bunch of crap. Justin Bieber, fuck you. That damn man child sure loves singing that retarded song Baby. I got that song right between my legs, called my Johnson. Come on baby, want a piece of me turd. Don't get me started on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. That goofy bastard is high on some type of drug because he is making some buggered-up choices. Trudeau needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit and move on, you annoying fad. I want to toss flaming Timbits at Rideau Hall to protest my hatred of Canada. Japan is a freaking old school goddamn country. The country is stuck in the damn past and needs to come out of the closet into modern times. What the fuck is a tea ceremony? Japanese broads kneeling on the floor wearing those goofy as hell traditional dresses and drinking tea. They should drink some flaming piss with a side of flaming bag of shit. After the earthquake on March 11, 2011, these crap shacks of Japanese houses didn't stand a chance. Earthquake-proof buildings are crappy. The 1995 Kobe earthquake left most of the city in ruins like a flaming bag of shit. The United Kingdom is full of wankers who love to drink tea and loyalists to the damn king. King Charles III was 73 years old when Queen Elizabeth II died in 2022. King Charles might end up in a flaming bag of shit soon as he got an enlarged prostate. I hope that he will die in a flaming bag of shit because he is a worthless piece of goddamn prat. I can fart longer than his reign will ever last. If the king drops dead, I'm going to visit Buckingham Palace and egg it. I'll also go swimming nude in Loch Ness. If I see the Loch Ness Monster, I'll choke that bastard. I will be even more famous after killing that limey son of a bugger. Holy motherfucking shit the United States of America needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit. The country is run by old timers of politicians. President Joe Biden is 81 years old and that imbecile of a dumb dumb Donald Trump who is still running for the 2024 presidential election is 77. Do the goddamn police forces in the states have a happy trigger finger? Goddamn, I heard stories of officers killing unarmed African Americans who are surrendering. Fuck Obamacare, that goddamn worthless piece of goddamn Congress act that made health insurance affordable. Healthcare in the United States ain't freaking cheap bloody fools. It's as expensive as a flaming bag of shit. Nothing ain't bigger in Texas, as my nuts are bigger than that tosser of a state. What the fuck is the Big Apple? There ain't no goddamn big apples in New York City. I can see that the city never sleeps, as I'm going to rant about goddamn shit all day and night. Uncle Sam needs to suck my dick as I believe that the United States is a goddamn freaking fad in a flaming bag of shit. Mexico is a bunch of taco-eating people whose national anthem is La Cucaracha. Mexico is a hot goddamn country, as I visited Mexico City a couple of years back, and I almost turned into a dumb chihuahua. On the other hand, I saw rats bigger than those mutts. I know a Mexican named Javier Escuella. He can feed the fishes in hell while I feed my face with flaming bags of shit. Mexican women are hot, but I don't want to spend some time with them in their crap shacks of houses. In 2012, I lost my goddamn shit when the Mayans said the world was ending. Goddamn, they can't predict shit back then. What the fuck is a peso? It is no goddamn Canadian dollar. The peso needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit. I think that señor dickhead of a President, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, needs to resign. He is no smarter than a burrito. I ate burritos that were smarter than his goddamn candy ass. I think that the Philippines is as hot as a flaming bag of shit. I have visited Manila a couple of times, and goddamn I almost turned into a Jollibee. On the other hand, why the fuck does Jollibee sell spaghetti? They just need to sell goddamn freaking chicken. I want to sucker punch, bitch slap and choke the goddamn Jollibee mascot. I hate the goddamn Philippines so much that I wish that Japan still had it when they beat their candy ass in World War Two. Well, I'll be fucked, Japan can bugger off the Philippines. I'm going to rename the Philippines to Fucko Philippines. Overall, the Philippines needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit and blow it up their volcanic ass. Greece needs to goddamn get their asses out of the flaming bag of shit. I have been to Athens several times and, holy fuck the city is a bunch of stupid malákes. Their history sucks like a flaming bag of shit. Sparta are mama's boys that run under their beds and eat gyros. Greek cuisine is shitty as a flaming bag of shit. If you want to cook Greek food with John Marston, all you need is a goddamn gun and a shit ton of bullets. I want to hunt their national animal with the gun and bullets. The Parthenon is stupid as a flaming bag of shit. That crap shack is still standing after over 2000 years. The Parthenon will burn when I toss flaming Greek salads at it. I also want to take a crap during parliament at the Old Royal Palace. I think that Greece should bugger off and leave me the hell alone. Fuck New Zealand. New Zealand is a turd down under country. I nearly lost one of my goddamn eyes when a freaking Kiwi pecked at me in Wellington. To make shit worse, a cop fined me for punching the goddamn Kiwi. I got your goddamn animal cruelty right here when I ripped that ticket. Man fuck you Mr. Officer. I ain't getting a flaming bag of shit for defending myself. I always say that I never hit a lady, but if she starts to beat the holy shit out of me first, I'll need to defend myself. On the other hand, kiwi fruits are goddamn nasty. Those nasty little fucks give me hives. The hives were that goddamn bad. I can't goddamn breathe, fool. I think my goddamn rage about not breathing cleared the goddamn hives. That's still a mind fuck about my anger clearing those goddamn hives. Why or why do I keep trying those foods from those countries I hate so goddamn much? I so want to toss flaming kiwi birds at the New Zealand Police for the goddamn officer who fined my goddamn ass. If I meet that goddamn officer again, I'll goddamn shove a goddamn flaming kiwi down his goddamn throat. I'll goddamn even force him to goddamn eat that goddamn ticket. The Australian people are a bunch of sissies as they lost a war with emus once. How the fuck did the Aussies lose a war with flightless birds? Australia is a goddamn retarded country as the British used to send their prisoners from the United Kingdom there. I didn't want to live in the United Kingdom back then and was sent to jail in Australia for jack shit. I would cause trouble if I was busted in Australia. Australia is a goddamn death trap as most of the animals want to bite you, sting you, scratch you or potentially kill you. I don't want to go face to face with a kangaroo. I think they are cute, but I don't want to get my ass kicked in by one. I know that there are some buggered up animals that are more dangerous than kangaroos, like the Inland taipan snake, which is the world’s most venomous snake. Good lord above, their cuisine is terrible. Who in their right mind would eat Vegemite? I think it has been out in the bush too long surrounded by flaming bags of shit. I tried Vegemite once and my god, it was goddamn nasty. It looked and smelled like baby shit, and it tasted like that too. It was that bad, I would have kissed a prostitute with herpes. Goddamn, that was months ago and the taste is still like I had just eaten it yesterday. I want to toss Vegemite at the Aussie parliament building because it was that goddamn nasty. Damn this crap, my stomach is churning right now thinking of Vegemite. Oh fuck, I think I just crapped myself. Australia still needs to burn in a flaming bag of shit. They are a goofy down under country and their dumb, very dumb. I went to the Elimination Chamber in Perth, and my god, it was hot like a mother bugger. It was that hot, you could cook an egg on Michael Cole's head. I wanted to strip down into my birthday suit during the event, but I bet that security wouldn't like that. I think that security won't like it if I even go topless during it too. By the end of the Elimination Chamber, I was sweaty like a flaming bag of shit. Why is that goofy down under country so damn hot? Yeah, the Aussie rednecks are tough to take the heat, but this redneck ain't that dumb. Australia is also dumb because of its deserts. Are the 3 percent of Aussie people retarded for living in such a death trap? I think the heat and sun are messing up their minds. Their English is crap as it sounds like a British person on crack.